So I casually take the newspaper off the silver salver this morning, (frowning slightly at a small crease the staff haven’t ironed out properly), and nearly choke on my cappuccino. ”Berlusconi moving to Montecucco”, like NEXT DOOR. Apparently he’s going to buy Tenuta di Montecucco and introduce a new law requiring all citizens over 5′8 to either wear flip-flops or adopt a stoop, any male over 60 with (his own) hair to wear a ‘Forza Monte C!’ baseball cap, and requiring all first born males to be named Putino. What to do?